im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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