I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
