After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
