My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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