I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
