I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize