I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
