Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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