I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
