Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
