Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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