We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
