I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
