i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
