11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
