Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
