I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I look better un-naked...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The ass gains better be worth it
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