You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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