I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
