Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
