WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
