How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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