I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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