Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
