ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
