At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
