I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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