Don't you send me to vm
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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