Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
