forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
