I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
