Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you win again, gameday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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