Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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