Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
