I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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