He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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