I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
