SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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