Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
40s are totally the cure
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
