Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
