I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
