I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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