I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
