I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
