You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
