Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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