i need an iv and a liver transplant
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
