you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
