So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
