these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
