She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
