I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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