pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your penis caused this!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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