elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
