You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
