Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
