i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
