the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
