If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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