Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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