Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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