Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
