He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
