It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
