I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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