Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
