your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
