I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
