he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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