I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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