I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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